Now & Then: Larry offers graduates advice they (probably) will ignore

Another round of commencement exercises for the latest group of high school seniors occurs this week. It’s a time of mixed emotions for graduates — mixed as in joy and happiness.

At the same time, they’ll realize they’re walking those storied halls for the last time, relating fond memories and saying their goodbyes to long-time friends.

Then it’s off to the beach to party!

I think it’s only proper for someone who has experienced a great deal of success in the world to extend a few words of advice to our graduates before they trudge off into that scary world. Unfortunately, Bill Gates had other obligations, so it’s up to me to come up with something.

I thought about reiterating the lofty words that were spoken at my high school graduation. However, the advice we heard that would have steered us along the right path in life had escaped my consciousness even before I marched across the stage.

In fact, it’s common knowledge that graduates seldom hear what’s being said during commencement exercises. They’re too excited about what they’re going to do after they’ve tossed their mortarboards into the air.

So, instead of trying to tell our grads how to be successful in life (coming from someone who would be severely lacking in credibility), I decided to just give some tips on how to act during this auspicious event.

First of all, don’t wear too much underneath that gown. It tends to get pretty warm, especially out on the football field during those long speeches.

Second, wear something. In the event of a sudden downpour, school officials would be mortified if graduation turned into a wet-gown contest.

Besides, if a bee got up your gown, you’d want to get your robe off as soon as possible without worry of inadvertently mooning the speaker’s podium.

Another point to remember is this: Don’t hit the button on your silly string (or whatever is the latest commencement prank/fad) until you have your sheepskin firmly in hand.

If you have a problem keeping control, then just repeat to yourself the old scripture: The school giveth and the school taketh away. And it’s harder for the school to taketh from thine hand than to not giveth in the firsteth place.

A third detail to keep in mind is to compliment all the faculty members, even the ones you despised because their lectures bored you to tears, then gave you poor grades as a result of your being bored to tears with their lectures.

If you praise them, they’ll think all the effort they spent to set you on the right path finally paid off. And when they feel thus rewarded, they’ll more than likely decide to continue in education.

Just remember, all those educators who quit teaching wind up in the workplace where you’ll soon be. You wouldn’t want to go to your first day on the job and discover your supervisor is the same guy who flunked you in math.

When you leave graduation ceremonies to go out and party with classmates, remember to get back home on time. If Dad says to be home by 2 a.m. and he’s paying your way to college, then be home by 2 a.m. Going hungry on a college campus is no fun, believe me.

On the other hand, if you’re going to work the next day in Uncle Billy’s business, 3 a.m. will probably work as long as Uncle Billy doesn’t expect you on the job until 7 a.m. sharp.

One last thing. Don’t let anything keep you from enjoying your graduation.

It’s the only shot you’ll have at it, so make it fun without it being at someone else’s expense.

Be a little silly, play a prank or two.

And when the ceremony is over, hug a lot of your fellow grads.

Make the memory a good one. It has to last a lifetime.

Larry Penkava is a writer for Randolph Hub. 

Contact: 336-302-2189, larrypenkava@gmail.com.