Beauty is only Botox deep

Who's the ugly person in this story?

I'm talking about the case in which the Chinese man sued his wife for being ugly.

Not only did Jian Feng of northern China divorce his wife but sued her and won a pretty monetary settlement.

The kicker is that Jian married the woman because she was beautiful. 

So what happened to make him change his mind? They had a baby girl and Jian was traumatized by the baby's horrific looks.

So unlike the appearance of her beautiful parents was the baby that Jian suspected his wife of cheating on him. It was probably the neighbor whose face scares little kids and causes the cop on duty to reach for his radio to call animal control. 

That's when Mrs. Feng came clean. It wasn’t Mr. Grotesque after all.

Before she met Jian, she said, she had a face that was, shall we say, like the before photo in a plastic surgeon’s waiting room. In order to make herself more presentable to the public — not to mention prospective suitors — she spent about $100,000 for plastic surgery to enlarge her eyes, create a fuller face, strengthen her chin and beautify her lips, among other repairs.

The crux of the matter was this: She did nothing to change her genes. So, poor baby was stuck with having looks that only a mother could love.

Certainly there was no love expended by the father. 

So he sent his wife a Dear Mrs. Jian letter — facilitated by his divorce lawyer — accusing her of enticing him to marry her under false pretenses, not to mention fake eyelashes.

And if suing for divorce weren't enough, Jian also sued her for damages, and the judge — apparently stunned by the child's hideous face and in a moment of his own repugnance — awarded the plaintiff $120,000. 

Hmm. Wouldn't that be enough to fix baby's face?

But let's not cloud the issue. The settlement, of course, was for emotional and psychological damages to Jian. 

Imagine, if you will, the trauma of seeing your child for the first time and being utterly shocked by her appearance. Instead of Gerber baby, your newborn reminds you more of Mr. Clean after entrusting his bald pate to the tattoo artist who flunked basic drawing.

Jian, who must imagine himself to be a Don Juan, had fully expected to walk into the maternity ward to see his beautiful baby girl. Instead, he encountered an infant that appeared to him to have been struck by an ugly stick.

He even told authorities that the child actually scared him.

Poor baby.

There's no indication as to what Jian will do with the money, but one has to assume that a portion of it will go toward therapy sessions. That sort of trauma doesn't go away easily, after all.

I would think that Jian will set aside some of it for the future. Since he's now free to play the field, he'll likely be dating again.

What better investment than to use his windfall funds to investigate any woman he falls for. A good private investigator should be adept at finding out if said woman has secretly had collagen injections, has had gene therapy or can speak in-depth about craniofacial surgery.

You can never be too careful with fabulously beautiful women, after all. They're bound to have secrets from the past.

A homely woman could be enticed to have an innocent botox injection, which could lead to a nip-and-tuck, a nose job, lip augmentation or, gasp, breast implants.

Next thing you know, she’s a stunning beauty, the belle of the ball, Venus with arms. Nobody can tell she’s really an eyesore beneath all that silicone.

But be sure your sins will find you out — not to mention the DNA sample surreptitiously collected from your lipstick-stained plastic cup carelessly tossed into a public trash can.

Hmm. Is there really a gene for ugly?

Larry Penkava is a writer for Randolph Hub. Contact: 336-302-2189, larrypenkava@gmail.com.