I’ve got senioritis, how ‘bout you?

Senioritis is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the lack of interest and effort by high school seniors near the end of their last year.”

But to me it sounds like maladies of the elderly.

As we progress into our advanced years, conversation among us seniors tends more toward our aches and pains. Our calendars, which once were highlighted by birthdays and anniversaries, are now loaded with doctor appointments and medical tests.

“Hey Joe, why are your eyes even more bloodshot than usual?”

“I had cataract surgery and I’m still recovering.”

A cataract, for those of you under the age of 50, is the clouding of the lens of the eye. It’s practically epidemic among the older set. 

Treatment involves removing the clouded lens and replacing it with a clear artificial lens. Yeah, kinda makes your skin crawl thinking about somebody messin’ with your eye.

Fortunately, cataract surgery is really common and normally without serious side effects, other than Joe’s red eyes.

Someone I know well, after learning he may need cataract surgery, was told he had chronic kidney disease stage 3a. After being helped up off the floor of the examination room, he was assured that CKD is basically slow-developing and there are three more stages before reaching the advanced level.

CKD is defined as progressing along stages 1, 2, 3a, 3b, 4 and 5. The stages are determined by what’s known as an eGFR blood test that measures creatinine levels in the kidney. The more creatinine the better.

Other factors considered are your sex, height and weight, ethnicity and, yes, age. In stage 3a, kidney function loss is said to be mild to moderate.

So, what to do? Avoid sodium and certain painkillers, eat whole foods (unprocessed) and drink lots of fluids. And get regular eGFR blood tests.

Another common malady of seniors focuses on joints. 

My friend with cataracts and CKD could be having his fourth hip surgery.

“Hey man. Why are you limping? You remind me of Grandpa McCoy.”

“I guess it’s because I took my doctor’s advice. He told me after redoing the second surgery that I could run again.”

As the story goes, the hipster had asked his orthopedic surgeon nearly five years after the revision to a total hip replacement about running again.

“You know,” Doc said, “I have patients running marathons. If you run lightly, you should be OK.”

During nearly 30 years of running, my friend had worn out both femur heads. But, thanks to modern science, within three years. he was running again on resurfaced hips.

Resurfacing is a way to fix arthritic hips without removing the femur head. Everything went well until the second hip began raining cobalt and chromium into the bloodstream.

I guess you could say the femur and socket weren’t a perfect fit. They created a friction between the metals.

At that time, Doc said, “You’ll have to have a total hip replacement or your joint will disintegrate. And that means no more running. You can walk all you want.”

Almost five years of walking led to the question about running again. My friend took the “run lightly” to heart, especially considering that at his age all running was “light.”

Then one day recently, the old hipster chose to walk rather than run and did six or seven miles.

Afterward, he settled into his recliner and fiddled with his laptop for a couple of hours.

When it was time to get up, he was stunned when his leg with the hip replacement made him shout out with pain. 

“I must have been sitting the wrong way,” he told himself. But the pain persisted for the next week.

He lined up an appointment with the medical center and was surprised that they couldn’t take him immediately unless there was a cancellation.

Meanwhile, the old hipster, always the optimist, is planning what books to take to the hospital for his fourth surgery.

But he’s hoping Doc will say, “It’s nothing serious. You’ll be running again in no time.”

Then, last week my friend tested positive for COVID.

Yep, he definitely has senioritis.

Larry Penkava is a writer for Randolph Hub. Contact: 336-302-2189, larrypenkava@gmail.com.