Judge not, that ye be not stuffed to the gills

Sep 16, 2024

by Neill Caldwell

When I realized what the stakes were, it became clear that they had picked the wrong guy.

 

Ray Criscoe, editor and publisher of the Hub, otherwise known as The Boss, sent me a message one day asking if I wanted to be a judge for the North Carolina Food Truck State Championship hosted by the City of Randleman on Sept. 7.

 

Being of unsound mind, I said I would, with a caveat: “Ginny (my wife) would make a better judge, being more discriminating. I tend to eat anything placed before me. Could she accompany me to whisper yea or nay in my ear?”

 

Ray passed on the request to Robin Hughes, who oversees the event. She gave the OK about adding Ginny and emailed me the details.

 

I went about my life for the next two weeks, not considering the implications of such an important job. Then as Sept. 7 neared and my serious duty became imminent, I was soothed knowing that Ginny would be by my side to influence my choices.

 

After all, these food truck people were coming from all over the state and only one would be certified as state champion. That’s not a job for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach.

 

Then the day came and Ginny chose to spend time with our 3-year-old great-granddaughter, Evie, rather than judge all those mobile chefs. That meant I was on my own, gustatorially speaking.

 

Well, actually, I was just one of seven judges at the championship. Six of us were newbies, but one, Michael Hastings, food reporter for The Winston-Salem Journal, was a veteran. Before the judging began, Michael cautioned us to take just one bite, two at the most, from each food sample.

 

That was understandable since there were 21 food trucks in the competition. Later, we learned that one had to scratch since the truck ran out of food. 

 

Wouldn’t you know that the truck that sold out of food was likely to be a top contender for the grand prize. But at least that truck got its money’s worth for the trip to Randleman.

 

The seven of us judges sat at a long table with a sheet for each food truck. There was a list of questions and numbers from 1 to 5 to check off for each category. 

 

The questions were printed in English but could just as well have been in Greek for this cooking novice. For instance, “Did the various flavors complement each other?” Or, “Did the entree/sandwich have texture?”

 

They might as well have asked me, “On a scale of 1 to 5, do you belong here?”

 

One thing I did right was to prepare for the judging by not eating that day. But that turned out to be wrong since I was very hungry when we started.

 

Therefore, Michael’s wise words to take sparing bites from each sample completely left my awareness by about the third sample. When I like something, I tend to eat more of it.

 

The problem? These food truck folks could really cook and everything I put in my mouth was delicious.

 

I ask you, can you eat just one or two bites of a hotdog? Can you put aside a cheesy pizza slice after just a taste?

 

Now you can see my problem, yes?

 

Finally, it got to the point that I was counting how many more samples were coming. “We’re half through,” someone said when my stomach was complaining that it couldn’t hold another pea.

 

Some of the other judges were having the same problem. At one point, I said, “All I want is a stiff drink.”

 

We got down to the final three — the desserts. There was a New York cheesecake, a fancy fruit drink with a thick oatmeal cookie and, finally, donuts. 

 

I gritted my teeth, tasted, chewed, chewed some more and swallowed, much to my gut’s displeasure. 

 

During the judging, I finished off two bottles of water and was looking for more. I said, “I don’t want to see any more food until next Wednesday.”

 

If for some reason Randleman was to ask me to return as a food truck judge and, if for some reason I were to agree, I would go in determined to take just one bite, no more than two, from each sample. And then I would fail once more.

 

But I will say this. I have a much greater appreciation of food truck chefs and their unique creations. They’re all winners to me.

 

Larry Penkava is a writer for Randolph Hub. Contact: 336-302-2189, larrypenkava@gmail.com.