Wild Turkey is not necessarily a beverage

Wild turkeys are lucky this time of year.

Notice, I said "wild" turkeys, not the domestic variety that are fattened up in captivity before being sacrificed for our Thanksgiving dinner tables.

The wild ones have dodged incarceration, running and flying free as birds. All they have to worry about is turkey hunters.

I once got an email from the National Wild Turkey Federation, or NWTF, based at Edgefield, SC, presumably a hotbed of wild turkey enthusiasts. The email was headed "Feast Your eyes on Interesting Wild Turkey Facts." It listed things about wild turkeys that you always wondered about but were afraid to ask.

The NWTF acknowledges, "The domestic, farm-raised turkey most Americans eat on Thanksgiving Day is nothing like the wild turkey feasted on by the Pilgrims and Native Americans.

"With Thanksgiving Day approaching, here are a few facts about the tasty game bird chosen as the main course for the first feast," the NWTF continued.

Fact No. 1: "Wild turkeys, now almost seven million strong, were almost extinct in the early 1900s."

That's amazing to consider since hunters back then didn't have electronic turkey calls, climate-controlled portable blinds or bird guns complete with laser scopes that can take out a gobbler at 200 yards.

Fact No. 2: "Wild turkeys can run up to 25 m.p.h. Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest human, averaged 23.35 m.p.h. during his world-record 100 meters."

Usain's time wasn't wind-aided. How about Tom Turkey's time? Usain's was an average speed, from starting block to tape. In the middle, Usain was probably exceeding 25.

Fact No. 3: "Wild turkeys were argued by Benjamin Franklin to be a more appropriate choice than bald eagles as our national bird."

That must have been before Ol' Ben invented eyeglass lenses.

Fact No. 4: "Wild turkeys rarely weigh more than 24 pounds while domestic turkeys regularly grow to more than 40 pounds."

What would you expect when you keep a turkey shut up in a barn with nothing to do but eat?

Fact No. 5: "Wild turkeys, which have as many as 6,000 feathers, can fly as fast as 55 m.p.h. Most domestic turkeys are too heavy to fly."

Which leads me to assume that neither turkey, wild or domestic, will ever be stopped for speeding on the open road.

Fact No. 6: "Wild turkeys have much sharper vision than humans and can view their entire surroundings simply by turning their head."

First of all, I can turn my head to see around me, up to a point. Secondly, I'd rather not be able to see all that sharply if it's turkeys I'm looking at.

Fact No. 7: "Wild turkeys can make at least 28 different vocalizations, with gobbles heard up to one mile away."

I have a vocabulary of several hundred words and can speak them to people all over the world.

Fact No. 8: "Wild turkeys roost (sleep) in trees, often as high as 50 feet off the ground."

I slept 15 floors up at Myrtle Beach once.

OK, the fun's over. Wild turkeys are special birds who happen to be a bit too elusive for the Thanksgiving table.

Once I was driving on I-20 in Mississippi when one of them flew just a few feet over my windshield. I assume the guy wasn't up to interstate speed, which is why he was in a perpendicular pattern.

A few days later, I saw three of them on the shoulder of the Natchez Trace Parkway.

Which brings up the question: Why isn't the wild turkey Mississippi's state bird instead of the mockingbird? My guess is that it's because in Mississippi the wild turkey is a game bird, whereas it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. (Sorry about that, Atticus.)

Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy whatever is on your table.

Larry Penkava is a writer for Randolph Hub. Contact: 336-302-2189, larrypenkava@gmail.com.